When I was presenting as a man I always had short hair. I often shaved my head. So having long hair at all is really new to me. Over the past few years I’ve struggled a ton with what to do with it. My hair has been a major source of insecurity and dysphoria for me. But, recently I went down the curly hair rabbit hole and for the first time since I’ve been “Lucy” I actually feel good about my hair.
I love being blonde. It’s bleached, so it’s damaged as fuck. When I follow these steps below my hair looks and feels healthy.
Step 1: Wash your hairs with Kerastase Curl Manifesto Shampoo on wash day. Skip this step on other days.
The rest of the steps should only be necessary every 3-4 days.
In between, I use this SUPERWATER to get my hair wet in the morning. Then I do steps 8 and 9 (below) if necessary.
Sometimes I don’t need to, depending on how I slept and how much my homosexual pagan Gods love me.
Step 2: Squish your hair with a dry towel so it’s not soggy wet, just damp.
Make sure your hands are dry.
Apply some k18 hair oil with the “Fork Finger” and “Praying Hands” techniques. Let the product sit for 4 minutes. (I keep a clock in my shower).
I use this time to stretch my hole with glass butt plugs. Not sure how much that part affects curls.
Step 3: Don’t rinse it out yet.
Emulsify some k18 hair mask WITH DRY HANDS and apply it with same techniques as above.
Don’t rinse your hair yet.
Step 4: Use that Bounce Curl Brush that went viral on tiktok for giving people perfect, bouncy curls.
(But I’m still in the shower for this step btw)
Step 5: Let the k18 hair mask sit for 4 minutes.
I like to use this time to either disassociate into violent or self pity fantasies or do somatic mediation stuff with a little parts work and cry things out.
Remember, amazing hair frightens predators. This is worth it.
Step 6: Rinse.
Apply Kerastase Curl Manifesto Conditioner.
Let sit for 4 minutes.
Now that my hole is stretched and my soul is healed, I use this time to wash my body and the left over minutes to revel in the hope of my enemies seeing me thrive with bouncy hair.
Step 7: Get out of the shower and stop disassociating. It’s time to get back to life.
Squish hair with towel again so it’s just damp but soggy enough to make a wet “skwonch” sound when you grab a clump and squeeze it.
Say some affirmations in the mirror. If you can’t think of any, try mothering yourself with “You’re doing so great baby, I know it’s hard ❤️”
Step 8: Mix one gloop of Cut + King BALM with one glob of the Cut + King LOTION. Emulsify.
Use the Upside Down Claw Machine technique to apply the mixed products to your hair in sections.
Then fork finger what’s left of the products on your hands into your hair.
Step 9: Apply Uncle Funky’s Daughter Curl Magic with a mix of praying hands and upside down claw game techniques.
Step 10: Either diffuse or let air dry.
Optional Step 11 for us socially fucked autism hotties: Record yourself on your phone walking by to see how it bounces. Practice different walks to maximize bounce without walking weird.
Also practice conversation responses that could come up soon, mixing in subtle head movements and head tilts that make your curls bounce.
Get these right and more nice people will kiss you. More jerks will fear you. You’ll need less hats.
Mommy loves you.
You’re doing great.
“Grace” can be just showing up kindly with what you got.
💋
